Dating a widowed man with children dating a young widow with kids
I have brought up their mom once in a while and asked how they were doing with it.Usually the answers are very matter of fact and not emotional (it's been a year since she passed) I would not over due the topic, just kind of 'check in' with how they are doing.*** From Juliet In my experience with a widower with children, the kid is pretty clear on if they want a new parent or not (the older one didn’t, the younger ones very much did). Don’t ever tell a child they have to call you ‘mommy’ now (my son still goes back and forth on it years later. Co-parenting is always important, but it seems like expectations of backing each other up and making joint decisions are clearer when you’re both at the same ‘level’.
I think that made a huge difference in the way they saw us as a family. If you’re a parent, you’re parenting a kid who lost one already, and they’re pretty worried about losing you too, so you need to be consistent and reassuring at all times. If you’re not the parent to the child emotionally you’re a step-parent.
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All names below are not the contributors’ real names but characters names on LOST.
I’ve learned not take things personally that the children want to hold onto.
For example W daughter can't sleep without her mom's blanket; she keeps her picture by her bedside with her mom's wedding ring. I made the mistake of saying she needed to get rid of it not knowing it was her mothers. I am in the process of making a big photo album of their mother from when she was little to when she died so they have one place with all the pix (instead of the scattered in boxes, albums, etc.) This way, as they age, and wonder for example, "what did mom look like at prom? The men can get overloaded easily especially those with small children.